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Training a Man

On a scale of 1-10, ten being Fabio and one being a dude who plays video games and eats tv dinners, Paul is a 9.5 {if he had long flowing hair and wore his shirt unbuttoned half way he’d be a ten.} BUT I would like to make it clear that he wasn’t delivered to me that way. I sort of trained him. I’ve wanted to do a post about this subject for a while and Valentines Day put me in the mood so here goes.

First off, a disclaimer: I realize everyone is different and they want and need different things. This is just meant to be an example of what worked for me.

Our first Valentines ever Paul was living in Salt Lake and I was two hours away in Logan. We had just barely started to date seriously and he had said he wanted to hang out on Valentines Day. In my head I assumed that meant he was going to show up on my doorstep with flowers {not red roses but peonies, of course he would just know they were my favorite} or maybe stand outside my window with a stereo above his head blasting David Bowie. After which he would whisk me away to a fancy restaurant where he would shower me with thoughtful gifts and then take me home where we would have a great makeout session.

Well, he did show up. Late, sans David Bowie stereo and without dinner reservations. I tried not to look disappointed as we drove from packed restaurant to packed restaurant {even the crappy chinese fast food had a line out the door.} I tried not to act resentful when I presented my thoughtful present only to find he had nothing for me in return, no mixed cd, no little love note, nothing.

In Paul’s defense he does MANY thoughtful things all the time AND he had to work late but what are those excuses against my unrealistic expectations? The night ended lame with me going home mad, Paul not realizing why and worst of all, no makeout session.

It took us about a year to get on the same page. But now he does things like plan romantic getaways to expensive hotels we can barely afford all by himself.

When I hear some of my friends complain that their husbands aren’t romantic enough I usually give them this advice.

1. Take charge: you are the one unhappy with the situation so make plans and let the other person know what you expect from them.

2. Expectations are everything. At this point Paul knows that flowers and jewelry are perfect but the first few special occasions I had to send him email reminders a week before with links to the jewelry and the name and number of my favorite florist. A little pragmatic, yes, but I got what I wanted and now he does it automatically.

  1. trimama

    February 7, 2007

    Thanks Jordan. I shamelessly sent a link to your blog for my husband b/c I love the jcrew acket you posted in cinnabar.

  2. Ellie

    February 7, 2007

    I have been married three years, and although we have perfected just about every other thing in our marriage…the romance thing wanes. I am not super romantic so it was never a HUGE deal, but it obviously can’t hurt either right? Thanks for the great (shameless) advice.

  3. love.boxes

    February 7, 2007

    Boys just don’t get subtle, you have to say it right out in plain English. Now, my spouse thinks I can be too direct, but he trained me. Good post.

  4. Kara

    February 7, 2007

    I think Paul needs to talk to his brother about this!

  5. TheMoncurs

    February 7, 2007

    My husband didn’t get me anything for our first anniversary in December. It’s not that he forgot about it either, he just didn’t get me anything. I sent him an e-mail mid January reminding him that Valentine’s day is coming up and that I am expecting a really good present.

    Not quite as romantic, but it does the trick.

  6. Anonymous

    February 7, 2007

    Your outfit in that picture is perfect. I am particularly in love with the shoes.

  7. Nicole

    February 7, 2007

    jordan – i love your candor. i took alot away from this post! and i love your outfit too!

  8. ashlynn

    February 7, 2007

    You are good – you taught Paul to buy you serious gifts. Somehow I taught Coby to buy me flowers at Costco.

  9. liz s

    February 7, 2007

    what on earth would paul do without you? keep up the good work

  10. Matt

    February 7, 2007

    I believe you’re thinking of Peter Gabriel playing on the stereo.

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